2005-10-05

junior college angst

My old friend who still goes to the local junior college took it upon herself to help me out and contacted some departments for me. Really it was very kind and now I have some departmental emails to send my resume to and have sent in their online adjunct form. Yet, I feel ill at the thought of approaching a classroom. Really. I know I'm technically qualified, now that I am a "master" of something, and I know a lot about anything that I would need to teach, but I just see myself getting sucked in and somewhere down the line signing up to do a phd in a godawful university with people sneering at me for not taking critical theory seriously. Back to listening to three hour screaming matches about South American politics over flat beer in a grad pub. At least, it seems like it could be some kind of step in that direction. I think of academia, perhaps it was just because of my distinguished alma mater, and I feel like I'm being smothered with a pillow, arms flaying around everything. Even just a junior college. I can just see a room full of blank fish eyes staring back at me as I try to convince them that moby dick is a great american novel. In a more likely senario, I will desperately be trying to teach them the difference between "affect" and "effect" to no avail. Or trying to get them to recognize the difference between "they're" "there" and "their" will lead to a mental breakdown at my lecturn. Or perhaps I'm just afraid that I'm not actually good enough, but I'm don't really think that is it.

xanthium at 11:34 a.m.

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