2005-11-11

but i digress

So I'm still waiting to hear from Giaganto Inc. I have a very good feeling about interviewing there, if that tells us anything. I just have to keep waiting. I haven't really been applying to any jobs since last week, after not getting the position in Santa Barbara and hearing about this one. The program in SB finally sent me a form email saying that I didn't get the job. Very considerate. I'm feeling a bit of burn out on job applications.

I'm coming to the conclusion that I have no idea what I really want, which is unusual for me. I've always been very self-motivated. I also have an unusually high degree of apathy towards the future, but I think that may be normal for someone whose unemployed adn just finished school. I just keep thinking about how hard it was for most of my friends when they finished undergrad and couldn't find jobs. But, I don't have a little voice telling me that I can always go back to school if things don't work out that is in the mind of every undergrad who does well in college. I just wrote a friend an email explaining the thesis debacle, and remembered how frustrated I was by the whole thing. How sick I am of everything academic. How pointless and arbitrary the whole academic system is, and how it drains people of all sense of self-worth and purpose. How it takes something genuinely interesting to a person and makes it a burden. (But I digress.) My problem now is that I can't really get myself to do much of anything. I just sit around the house and watch tv and knit afgans and getting fat on Halloween candy. But then I ask myself, "Is that so bad?" I'm not so sure that it is. Although even I admit that it's kind of depressing.

xanthium at 2:20 p.m.

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