2005-12-06

my self-actualized high school self

My mom has definitively decided to move to Murrieta, so she has to clear out the house of the excess junk she has collected over the twenty years that she has lived here. Yesterday I went through the boxes of junk that she kept when I left for college. It was really wierd to do, because most of the things I had forgotten about years ago. One such thing is my "senior portfolio" from my hippy alternative high school. I remember thinking that it was a bullshit assignment at the time. The funniest part is my reflective essay on the "Self Actualization Inventory" that I had to fill out. According to the survey, its purpose was to to "make you aware of the characteristics of self-actualization" and to "help you find out whether you are a self-actualizing person". This was my response after filling out the "inventory":

Although I got less than the highest possible rating on this test, I happen to be fine with myself. The only conclusion that I can draw is that there is something wrong with the test. I honestly question whether or not the "goal" answers are something people should strive for or whether mental health can be measured in less than thirty questions. If you are a truly deluded person, you will probably get the highest score possible and walk around thinking that you are perfectly healthy. I know that I wouldn't want to be the person that answered "very often" for all the questions, nor would I want to know that person. Who has decided this is the trademark of a healthy person? Who decided that we all need to be healthy?
The second thing I would like to bring up is that I think it is inappropriate that we need to include such personal information in our portfolios. Although I chose what I think is the least invasive of the surveys, it is still more than I am comfortable with. Even if I found this survey worthwhile, there is no way that I would write in a response how I need to improve myself.

What this goes to show is that I have not changed at all since high school, although I may have mellowed out a little bit. Also, I don't think I realized that I was funny at the time. I should also note that in the survey itself, the only characteristic that I actually marked "never" was the last one: "Have dedication to life or social purpose."

I didn't get the writer job in Encinitas, although she made a point of telling me my writing sample was "excellent" and that she was sure I would be successful in any writing job. So, what more do did she want in a writer? It's very strange.

xanthium at 3:55 p.m.

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