2007-01-09

i don't think i get it

All these people are writing these confused, introspective entries. Now I'm almost feeling introspective myself. I think what this past year has taught me is that I sadly don't understand anything about how most of the world works. I've always been told how smart I am, but it's a useless quality if there is no point in rationalization. And, like Di pointed out, life doesn't make any sense. Perhaps that is why I'm a useless person.

I may be interviewing later this week for a job that would mostly entail ordering chemicals and setting appointments. Is that a step up from what I do now? I can't tell. It would pay more--is that the same thing? Now I'm meant to have innane conversations and be a pleasant face for people to see when they come into the office. All these years spent learning just to become a face and a voice. Saying Good Morning. Making comments about the weather. Having meaningless exchanges about how we are (fine thanks). Answering hopeless questions: May they speak to the CEO (no, sorry, they may not). Do I know who is in charge of electronics recycling? Is it the CEO? (no, sorry again). Exhibiting false excitement over cake. Pretending to be busy, not because I care about my job or losing it, but just so that I'm not bothered. Much of that I think would be the same, especially the damn office cake. Do you all ever wonder how we invented such a horrible way to live?

xanthium at 8:30 a.m.

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